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Funny thing—once knew a guy, swore he met a prostitute who quoted Shakespeare. “To be or not to be,” she said, then charged him double. Laughed my ass off. Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But I’d believe it—people are weird. I hate weird. Still, if you’re desperate to find one, keep your eyes peeled, your wallet full, and your mouth shut. “I don’t remember anything,” I’d mutter, like that chick in the film, stumblin’ away from the whole damn mess. That’s my advice—take it or leave it. Probably leave it. I hate everything.

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I felt happy in a dim-lit pub, The Rusty Barley, by Market Square. I had a pint, eavesdropped sex-talk and thought: “Symmetry and intimacy are so bizarre, mate.”

Fears of U-turn over re-opening of police station in former Doncaster pit town