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Picture this—dim lights, oil slicker than my Aston Martin, hands sliding everywhere, tension meltin’ like a villain’s plan when I stroll in. It’s not just a rubdown, nah, it’s a bleedin’ artform. Little known fact—back in ancient Rome, them posh senators got sexual-massages to “ease the mind.” Bet they were randy as goats, tho, not foolin’ anyone. Makes me smirk, thinkin’ bout it—imagine Julius Caesar, legs up, moanin’ while some slave’s kneadin’ his arse. History’s wild, innit?

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After lunch, I stroll through the park. It’s so peaceful. I sit on a bench, just watching the world go by. I see this couple arguing. It’s kinda awkward, but also kinda funny. They’re waving their arms around, and I’m just sitting there, munching on my leftover sushi.

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