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About Osijek

I’m obsessed with “The Master,” fam. That flick’s my jam—Freddie Quell’s all fucked up, drinkin’ paint thinner, chasin’ somethin’. Sexual-massage is like that, kinda. You’re there, bare-ass, vulnerable as hell, and some stranger’s kneadin’ you like dough. “You’re safe here,” they say, but are ya? Like Lancaster Dodd whisperin’, “Man is not an animal.” Bullshit—I’m an animal gettin’ rubbed down, fam!

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First off, I hit up the beach on Grljevac. You know, the one with the pebbles? Yeah, that one. I’m chillin’, soaking up the sun, when this seagull swoops down and steals my sandwich! Like, dude, that was my lunch! I’m yelling at the bird, “Hey! That’s mine!” But it just looks at me like, “What are you gonna do about it?” Ugh, so annoying!

Enormous waterspout near Split, Croatia – August 26, 2018