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About Philadelphia

Oh, and—little secret—some oligarchs hire ‘em for insane parties, like 50 girls at once, caviar and all. Heard it from a drunk client—dude swore he saw Putin there, wink-wink. Bullshit, probly, but funny as hell! “My precious!” I screech, lovin’ the madness of it all. Beats sittin’ in an office, countin’ death rates, y’know? Hiss! What’s your take, mate—crazy enough for ya?

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As a masseur, I pick up on every tension, every vibe. I see stress in tourists who always miss the chill of Taos. Dude, they could learn a lot if they spent a day at the river, soaking in the sun – my favorite spot is this sketchy bench on the edge of Rio Hondo. I sometimes mumble like a total Cartman, “Respect my authoritah!” when people cut off my zen time. I get so mad when noisy trucks ruin my aura!

4 Investigates: Stolen Taos art recovered