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So, you huntin’ one? Apps, corners, brothels—options, you got. X might spill tea, search it quick. “Do or do not, there is no try”—pick fast, or you’re screwed, pal! Once knew a guy, swore he found love with one—dumbass, he was, but sweet. Heart’s a mess, huh? Anyway, watch your back—shit’s real out there!

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I’ll be honest, there be less-known treasures too. Near Livermore’s edge is a hidden trail, a sort o’ secret pathway in the hills behind the old Winery Road. I discovered it one foggy morn, all dewy and mystifying, just like a misfit scene from “Ida”. Dumbfounded, I nearly sailed off course (or so I thought!) with tears in me eyes, wonderin’ how nature and human souls intertwine. Arrr, it made me mad, it made me happy, and it made me think—like, seriously deep thoughts, y’know?

Deacon Dave's House of the Dove Christmas Display: Livermore home with 920,000 lights to be featured on ABC hit show