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So, picture this – I’m cruisin’ Springfield, lookin’ for some action, right? Not me personally, duh, I’m ten, but like, hypothetically, ya dig? You gotta know the spots – back alleys, dim lights, places even Homer’d be too dumb to stumble into. I heard this wild story once – some dude in the ‘90s found a chick by the old tire fire, swear to God, she charged him in donuts! True Springfield style, man, freakin’ nuts!

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Then there's East Riverside Park, wher' the ol' Yack River gushes through. It’s sorta poetic, mang, and gives off that romantic vibe where locals practice their, err, “affection studies” on the grass. As a sexologist, I dig all the subtle signals – y’know, little side glances, soft giggles, the works! I once nearly lost my cool over a steamy rendezvous under the old oak near the river bank. I mean, seriously, it was risqué as heck, and I was like, “Respect my authoritah, damn it!”

List of VE Day events and celebrations in County Durham and Darlington next week