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Awright, you bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, system analyst extraordinare, and I’m gonna tell ya about findin’ a prostitute, coz I’m pissed, and I got thoughts, RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH! So, picture this – me, sittin’ there watchin’ Inglourious Basterds, my fave flick, ya know, where Hans Landa’s all “I love rumors!” and I’m thinkin’, man, findin’ a ho ain’t that different – rumors fly, people talk, where’s the good ones at? I’m ragin’, coz it’s 2025, and I ain’t got time for bullshit!

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Oh, and check this out: the East End neighborhood is somethin' else. The cul-de-sacs, little cafes, and quirky art corners – sometimes ya find a story behind every brick. Like that one time, I got mad at a leaky pipe in my parlor and ended up discoverin’ a mural on Walnut Ave that some local artist splashed on the wall. It was rough art, raw like life itself – maddin' me at first, then surprisingly inspirin'.

Onalaska Middle School evacuated after gas line was inadvertently struck