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So, I keep lookin—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—and I’m chattin up this dude at a bar, askin where’s the action. He’s all shady, whisperin bout some spot off 5th. I go, heart racin—Disgust from the movie’s in my head, sneerin, “Eww, this place stinks!” And it did—trash, sweat, cheap perfume. But then—bam!—I spot her. Red heels, fishnets, givin me that look. I’m like, “Joy, take the wheel!” She saunters over, all confidence, and I’m thinkin—damn, she’s got it. We talk price—quick n dirty negotiation—and I’m surprised, she’s funny too! Cracked some joke bout “servicin the mayor”—had me laughin my ass off.

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Back at the office, things got crazier. Stocks were bouncing back up! I was like, “Yes! Finally!” I was high-fiving my colleagues, feeling like a champ. But then, just as quickly, they dropped again. I swear, it’s like the universe is playing a sick joke on me.

Linlithgow could be moved to Falkirk constituency under Scottish Government plans