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Here’s the kicker—prostitutes in medieval times? They wore red shoes to stand out! Imagine that, me squintin’ in the dark, lookin’ for red freakin’ shoes! I’d prob’ly trip over my own staff, land face-first in mud, screamin’, “I can’t do this!” Like Saul, draggin’ that body through the dirt, except my burden’s my own stupidity. “Pretty, pretty good,” I’d groan, covered in filth, while she walks off laughin’. I’d be happy, though—relieved it’s over! No STDs, no arrest, just me and my sheep, safe and sound. What a disaster, right? Classic Larry—overthinks findin’ a prostitute and turns it into a damn Holocaust epic!

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After that, I head down to the Musselburgh Racecourse. Now, that’s where the real fun begins. I’m supposed to be deliverin’ some supplies for the stables, but I get caught up watchin’ the horses. They’re gallopin’ like they’re on fire! I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could ride one of those beauties.” But then I remember I’m a tractor driver, not a jockey.

Heavy defeat proves blow for Musselburgh Athletic's title hopes