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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ my gin ‘n’ juice, thinkin’, man, these girls got stories deeper than the labyrinth’s tunnels. “To live is to suffer,” like the faun said, but they keep pushin’. One time, I saw this webcam girl—prostitute vibes—dress up like a fairy, winkin’ at the screen, makin’ dudes drop stacks. I was like, “Yooo, she’s the captain now!” Had me crackin’ up, ‘cause she flipped the script, owned it, ya feel?

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After that chaos, things chill out for a bit. I’m finally catchin’ my breath when this couple walks in. They’re all lovey-dovey, and I’m thinkin’, “Aww, young love.” But then, they start arguing over who gets the last pork pie. I’m like, “C’mon, it’s just a pie!” But they’re both lookin’ at me like I’m the judge in a pie court.

Appeal after tool theft in residential road in town