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Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as fuck, “shaken, not stirred.” So, yeah, let’s chat bout findin a prostitute, right? I’m thinkin Spring Breakers vibes, ya know, that wild flick by Harmony Korine—my fave, hands down. Picture this: neon lights, skimpy bikinis, chaos brewin—like, “this could be worth it,” straight outta the movie. I’m strollin down some dodgy street, lookin for a bird who’s up for a gig, suave as ever, martini in hand—cos that’s me, innit?

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Kirkby-in-Ashfield, and let me tell ya, it was a wild ride. First off, I’m a combine harvester operator, right? Not your usual 9-to-5 gig, but hey, it pays the bills. So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s the day!” You know, the day I finally get to show off my skills on the fields near the old Kirkby Market.

Power cut hit hundreds of homes across Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire