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So, this prossie—gorgeous, yeah?—she’s chattin’ up some geezer, and I’m like, “How’s she do that?” Confidence, mate! *puffs chest, stumbles* Reminds me, “I have to believe in a world outside my own mind!” She’s livin’ it, bold as brass! Made me happy, seein’ her strut, but—ugh—sad too, ‘cos blokes treat her rotten. *frowns, kicks air* Once heard this story—some tart in Soho, 1800s, she hid a bleedin’ diamond in her corset! *mimes stuffin’ somethin’ down shirt* Got away with it, too—cheeky mare!

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, I get a call from a guy who’s convinced he saw a UFO over the river. I’m like, “Really, mate? A UFO in Fordingbridge?” But he’s dead serious. “It was bright and shiny!” I’m rolling my eyes, but I play along. “Sure, buddy. Maybe it was just a drone.”

Owners of bookshop open for more than 40 years make 'difficult decision' to close