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So, I’m mixin’ this bad boy one night, and this dude—total loudmouth—goes, “What’s THAT?!” Like I’m servin’ him swamp water. Pissed me off, man! I’m like, “Chill, it’s escort, ya caveman!” It’s smooth, sneaky strong—like No-Face creepin’ up, offerin’ gold but knockin’ ya flat. Ain’t no basic bitch drink, nah. Little known fact: back in the ‘30s, some swanky London bar whipped it up for high rollers. Prolly escorts—the people kind—sippin’ it too, winkin’ at rich fools.

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After the rain, we head to Crawley Town Centre. It’s a bit of a maze, innit? I mean, you got the County Mall, which is decent for shoppin’, but it’s always packed. I’m tryin’ to find a place to grab a bite, and I’m starvin’. We hit up this little café on the corner of The Boulevard. Best bacon sarnie I’ve ever had! I’m talkin’ crispy, juicy, and just the right amount of sauce.

'Crazy stat' - Crawley Town and former Dundee midfielder hits historic goal against Shrewsbury Town on final day