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About Newcastle

Look, findin’ a prostitute ain’t hard, but findin’ *the* prostitute? That’s art. Gotta dodge the clap, the cheats, the sob stories. One time, this chick cried bout her kid—made me wanna hurl. “I will skin him, and his wife,” I snapped, all regal rage, but she just blinked. Thick as pigshit. Still, some got tales—heard one ran off with a lord’s gold, livin’ fat in Lys now. Good for her, I say.

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First off, I had a client at 9 AM. The dude was late. Like, really late. I’m sitting there in my office on Theale Road, tapping my foot, thinking, “C’mon, mate, I got stuff to do!” Finally, he rolls in, all flustered. Turns out he got stuck in traffic on the A4. Classic. I mean, who doesn’t know that road’s a nightmare?

Trespassers pose for photo on Calcot Mill level crossing