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It’s showtime! Alright, listen up, fam—sexual-massage, whoo boy, it’s a wild ride! I’m talkin hands slidin’ all over, oils drippin’, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. Saw this flick, *Moolaadé*, right? Ousmane Sembène, 2004—friggin’ masterpiece, swear it changed me. There’s this line, “Purification is a sham,” and I’m like, damn, applies to sexual-massage too! Peeps think it’s all dirty, but nah—it’s art, it’s release, it’s sacred, ya know?

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But then, as I’m walking back, it starts to rain. Of course! Just my luck, right? I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some action movie. I finally make it home, soaked but laughing.

Burnham-On-Sea Carnival organisers issue final appeal for more volunteers