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About Newcastle

So, lemme tell ya, sexual-massage—it’s old, like ancient old. Back in China, 2700 BC, they were doin’ this stuff, callin’ it “tantric touch”—little known fact! Emperors got it, peasants snuck it, and it was all about energy, not just gettin’ frisky. Surprised me, honestly—I thought it was some modern spa gimmick. Nope! It’s got history, grit, like Monty facin’ his fate. You’re lyin’ there, somebdy’s kneadin’ your soul, and you’re thinkin’, “This is how it ends, huh? Not bad.”

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So, I’m sittin’ there, twiddlin’ my thumbs, when my phone buzzes. It’s my mate, Dave. He’s like, “You won’t believe what I just saw!” I’m thinkin’, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, he saw a bunch of kids on the beach at Buckie Bay, tryin’ to build a sandcastle. But instead of sand, they were usin’ seaweed. I mean, who does that? I laughed so hard, I nearly spilled my coffee.

Revealed: Blundering council spent £40,000 on windows the wrong size for Buckie homes