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So I’m scrollin’ Tinder, right? See this dude—profile says “6’5, loves trout”—I’m thinkin’, hell yeah, fish guy! Turns out, he’s 5’2 and allergic to seafood. Catfished me good—made me angry as hell! Billionaires runnin’ these apps don’t care—makin’ bank off our lonely hearts. Swipe, swipe, swipe—half these profiles fake as a three-dollar bill. Little fact for ya—back in ’90s, folks used “personals” in newspapers for this crap. No pics, just vibes—way less BS!

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Anyway, I’m trying to keep my cool. I head over to the next shop on the Antrim Road. It’s a bit quieter there, thank goodness. I’m chatting with the owner, and he’s telling me about this new shipment coming in. I’m like, “Finally, some good news!” But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs in, knocks over a display, and it’s like a scene from a disaster movie. I’m talking stuff flying everywhere! I’m just standing there, mouth agape, thinking, “Is this real life?”

Ballyclare: Bird experts in Northern Ireland try to save a species