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Alright, so I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’—find a prostitute, huh? Pretty, pretty good idea, maybe, but oh boy, here we go. I mean, where do ya even start? Back in the day, you’d flip through some shady phonebook—yeah, those existed! Now it’s all apps, websites, total mess. I’m no Carlos, y’know, slinkin’ through Europe, dodgin’ cops, pickin’ up ladies like it’s nothin’. Me? I’d trip over my own feet tryin’ to look cool. “I’m an international man!”—nah, I’m Larry, sweatin’ through my shirt.

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I woke up late, of course. Alarm? What alarm? I scrambled outta bed, threw on my “I love Alness” tee, and bolted out the door. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Hey, today might be alright.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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