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Fun fact, yeh? Old London, prossies’d wear red ribbons—secret sign! Ain’t that wild? Me, I’d hiss at ‘em, “Get outta me swamp!” but Sméagol’s cryin’, “They’re lost, poor things!” Pfft, lost me arse—crafty, they are! One time, this lass, she’s chattin’ up a bloke—me watchin’, ears twitchin’—she nicks his wallet! Laughed me head off, precious, sneaky like me!

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First off, I hit the streets of Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with all the cute cafés? I was craving a bica, like, ASAP. But guess what? The café was closed! I mean, who closes at 8 AM? Rude, right? So, I ended up at this random pastelaria on Rua da Alegria. The name was ironic, trust me. The coffee tasted like burnt rubber. Ugh.