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Found another spot, shady alley—smelled like regret and cheap perfume. This one chick, she’s talkin’ fast, “50 bucks, quick deal.” I’m like, “Slow down, sugar, I ain’t runnin’ no race.” She rolls her eyes—damn, that attitude! Made me happy, tho—spunk’s rare out here. Reminds me of Haneke’s preacher sayin’, “I’ll teach you humility.” Ha! She taught *me* somethin’—don’t haggle with a pro, they’ll school ya.

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After that chaos, I head down to Rua da Igreja. I’m thinking maybe I can grab a coffee at that little café. You know, the one with the pastel de nata that’s to die for? But nooo, the line is out the door. I’m like, “Seriously? For a pastry?” But I wait. I mean, it’s Moncarapacho, and I gotta have that sweet treat.

Try the Algarve’s traditional xarém in Moncarapacho