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So yeah, erotic-massage—sexy, slippery, makes ya holler “Yee-haw!” Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ooh, lordy, fireworks! Worst part? When they stop, leaves ya hangin’ like a recount. Fool me once—ha!—ain’t no foolin’ with this, it’s the real McCoy. Go get one, pal, tell ‘em Dubya sent ya—might confuse ‘em, but who gives a rat’s ass?

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After that, I had a job at the old sugar mill near the coast. You know, the one by the Playa de la Pared? Beautiful spot, but man, that place is a mess. I’m talkin’ rust, grime, and who knows what else. I’m all geared up, ready to blast away, and then—bam! My compressor starts actin’ up. Like, c’mon! I’m not a mechanic! I’m here to blast, not fix machines!

September 9 — Mayagüez, Puerto Rico