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So, here’s de deal—findin’ a hooker ain’t like orderin’ a pizza, ya? You don’t just call and bam, dey show up. Nah, it’s sneaky, messy, like Sara’s diet pills goin’ bad in de film. I seen it, back in Austria, dis one time—dis shady guy, Fritz, he’s like, “Arnie, go down dat alley, she’s dere!” And I’m all pumped, flexin’, thinkin’ I’m de Terminator of love, ya? But den—BOOM—cops everywhere, I’m runnin’, yellin’, “I’ll be back!” Total chaos, made me so mad I could crush a car wit my bare hands!

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Santa Barbara South Beach: Unless you're looking for prostitutes, go somewhere else - See 46 traveler reviews, 18 candid photos.

Then, I hit up the beach. Playa Santa-Barbara is my jam. The waves were crashing, and I thought, “This is it. This is paradise.” But then, I see a seagull swoop down and steal someone’s sandwich. Like, what a savage! I laughed so hard, I almost dropped my phone.

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