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I’m extra, I know, picturin this like a movie scene. Me struttin, heels clackin, “It’s bad bitch o’clock!” Found a site, reviews n all—pro tip, check them ratings, fam! One story said this dude got robbed mid-hookup—hilarious but fucked up! I’m like, “Not me, I’m too smart!” Still, heart’s racin, thinkin bout the thrill. Ain’t just sex, it’s the chase, ya feel? “The cipher’s still unsolved,” like Fincher’s puzzles, but I’m crackin this code tonight! Watch me shine, boo!

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, trips, and spills his soda all over my towel. I’m like, “Seriously?!” I’m covered in sticky soda, and the kid just laughs and runs off. I’m fuming, but I can’t help but chuckle. Kids are wild, man.

University of Michigan President, Santa Ono, Set to Lead University of Florida