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Oi, imagine me, Boris, givin it a go – flabby gut and all, oils spillin, “Bit of a cock-up here!” I’d bellow, laughin like a drain. Reckon I’d be rubbish, tho – too much wafflin, not enough rubbin. “Keep it simple,” Mia’d mutter, starin at me like I’m a prat. Fair dos, love, fair dos! Still, them pros? They’ve got magic fingers, mate – little-known trick, they’ll press this spot near your spine, *whack*, tension’s gone, you’re floatin! Blew me mind, that.

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So, I’m tryin’ to keep it cool, right? I crack a joke, “Hey, at least we’re not stuck in a well!” No one laughs. Crickets. I’m like, “C’mon, people! We’re in Mifune! This is a city of smiles!” But they’re all just staring at me, like I’m the one who broke the elevator.

MIFUNE REDUX