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About Kyoto

I’m hyped, tho—hustlin’ past sketchy corners, peepin’ the scene. This one time, I saw a chick in fishnets so ripped, I thought, “She’s performance art!” Made me happy as hell—realness, ya know? But then—BOOM—some pimp rolls up, all “Pay me first, clown!” Pissed me off! I’m like, “Bruh, I’m Eric Andre, I don’t negotiate with sidequests!” Nearly flipped a trash can, but I chill—gotta stay smooth.

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When I get there, it’s chaos. Workers everywhere, machines blaring. I’m tryin’ to park my tractor, and this guy waves me off. “Not there, man!” I’m like, “Where do you want me to park, on the moon?” Finally, I squeeze in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Everyone’s runnin’ around, and I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ to keep my cool.