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So yeah, findin’ a prossie—bit of a faff, bit of a giggle. “Keep the change, my friend!” I shout, quotin’ the film, tossin’ her a tenner. She’s off, I’m knackered, thinkin’, “Christ, I’m a prat—but a happy one!” You wanna judge? Piss off—go watch *Grand Budapest* and cry over pastries, ya nonce!

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So, I’m walkin’ down the street, tryin’ to clean up, and I see this old dude at the bus stop. He’s just chillin’ there, lookin’ like he’s seen it all. I’m like, “Yo, what’s the secret to life?” He just shrugs and says, “Don’t spill soy sauce.” I laughed so hard, I almost choked on my onigiri.

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