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About Douala

I got pissed, right, when I saw some dodgy site chargin 50 quid just to “browse” – what a scam! Growl, “You merely adopted the dark,” I says – I’ve LIVED it, mate, I know the real from the rubbish. So, tip one: don’t pay upfront, ever. Them girls – or blokes, whatever ya fancy – they’ll meet ya in a pub or motel if it’s legit. Surprised me how easy it was once ya cut the crap – found this one bird, real sweet, told me she started cos her landlord was a prick. Felt bad, but she was laughin, sayin, “Cash is cash, luv.”

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I get a mix of joy and exasperation here. I'm happy, 'cause every day is a new bug to fix in life’s OS. And mad? Hell yeah. Mad that sometimes it feels like every façade is just that, a façade. But hey, as A.I. said, “I’m your new friend.” Except in Batouri, friends lie, loves fade, and reality bites.

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