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So, I’m rollin’ down the block, lookin’ for a shorty to holla at, right? Findin’ a prostitute ain’t no rocket science, but it’s got its own flavor, fo’ shizzle. You gotta peep the scene, know the corners, the shady spots where the streetlights flicker like they scared to shine. I’m thinkin’, “This is our planet,” like Kirsten Dunst sayin’ in the flick, all moody and shit, ‘cept my planet’s got neon signs and fishnet stockings, ya dig?

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Finally, I plopped down on my couch, exhausted. I laughed at the madness of it all. I mean, who knew a day in Altavilla could be so wild? But that’s life, right? Full of surprises, ups and downs. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Italian football legend Roberto Baggio is hospitalised after being attacked by gun-toting robbers who stormed