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So, findin’ a prostitute—easy, folks, super easy. You don’t gotta be a genius, but Trump’s got the best instincts, believe me. Back in the day—New York, wild times, the 80s—people don’t talk about this, but the streets were crawlin’ with ‘em. High-class ones, too, not just the riffraff. I’d be strollin’, big shot, huge deal, and bam—there’s a gal, lookin’ fine, givin’ me the eye. “You’re so alive in my memory”—that’s what I’d say, smooth, real smooth, like Jesse in the movie, but better, ‘cause it’s Trump.

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As the day drags on, I’m fixin’ shoes left and right. I swear, I’ve seen every type of shoe imaginable. From stilettos to wellies, it’s all in a day’s work. But then, I get a call from my sister. She’s in a panic. “I locked myself out!” she wails. I’m like, “Why do you always do this?” But I can’t leave her hangin’, so I grab my keys and dash outta the shop.

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