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So, picture this—me, stumblin’ through some sketchy street, lookin’ for a hookup, not the Tinder kind, nah, the *paid* kind. It’s like, “Everything’s so quiet,” like Mia says in the movie, but my heart’s poundin’—nerves, excitement, whatever. I’m mad curious, right? Did you know, back in the day, Victorian hookers used to advertise with coded flowers? Like, a red rose meant “I’m down”—wild, huh? Bet they didn’t have that on *Fish Tank*’s council estate.

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I get to the venue, and it’s chaos. The bride is freaking out. “Where are the cupcakes?!” I’m like, “Chill, I got ‘em!” I unload the van, and everyone’s staring at me like I’m a superhero. I’m feeling like a rockstar.

6.6-magnitude quake shakes Indonesia's Tobelo