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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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A bus breaks down on Ady Endre utca. Great. Just what I needed. I dispatch a tow truck, but then I hear a kid screaming. Turns out, he lost his ice cream. I mean, come on! It’s a hot day, and this kid’s heart is broken. I’m like, “Someone get this kid a new ice cream, stat!”

Sol Y Mar Soma Beach Hotel, Red Sea, Egypt, opening in September 2020