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Sometimes I overdo it, exaggerate da groans – “Ahhhnold needs more!” – cracks up my buddies. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’, it’s a freakin’ art, yah? Motivates me, keeps me strong. I’ll be back for more, always – like huntin’ terrorists, never stop till it’s perfect! So, ya wimps, get out dere, try it, feel da power! Hasta la vista, baby!

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But whatever, I shake it off. I’m on a mission for coffee. I find this cute little café on Trg Marafor. The smell of fresh pastries hits me like a wave. I order a cappuccino and a croissant. The barista, this super chill dude, gives me a wink. I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for the caffeine, not a romance novel.” But hey, I’ll take the compliment.

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