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Me, I’m upfront— “Cap’n Jack, seeker o’ rum and rump!”—and once, this lass messages, “You talk like a drunk sailor!” I says, “Aye, but I’m charmin’, ain’t I?” We met, and she’s all fire, like Lt. Aldo Raine slicin’ Nazis— “I’m gonna give you somethin’ you can’t take off!” she purrs. Hotter’n a cannon blast, that one! Made me grin wider’n the horizon.

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I head over to the park by the Colne River. It’s beautiful there, especially in the spring. I find my sister, and we grab some ice cream from that little shop on the corner of Church Street. I get mint choc chip, obviously. She rolls her eyes. “You’re such a child,” she says. But I don’t care. It’s the best.

Area's first axe and knife-throwing venue opens this weekend