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I slip a fiver to this weaselly con, Twitchy Pete, for intel. He’s like, “She’s in the east wing, guv,” all twitchin and shit. I’m sneakin past the cells, suave as ever, when—bam!—I spot her. Mandy’s leanin on a wall, smokin a fag, lookin like she owns the joint. I’m happy as a pig in shit, but then Jenkins rounds the corner. Fucker nearly catches me! I’m duckin behind a crate, cursin—bloody hell, why’s this so hard?

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I spot this adorable ceramic cat. I’m like, “I need this in my life.” But then, I realize I left my wallet in my other bag. Ugh! I’m so annoyed. I’m standing there, trying to explain to the shop owner, who’s looking at me like I’m crazy.

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