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Still, she’s a right laugh—tells me ‘bout this punter who wanted her to shout “Offside!” mid-shag. I’m losin’ it, tears streamin’, cos that’s peak football nutter! She’s all, “Oi, I charged extra for that!”—and I’m thinkin’, “You’re a bleedin’ genius, love!” *Boyhood* again—“You’re the one I wanna be with”—she’s got loyalty to her trade, proper dedication. Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but I’d bet me house she’s seen worse than me at me drunkest.

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I rush over, and the scene is chaos. Fire trucks everywhere, people crowding, and I’m just trying to get through. I finally get to the front, and there’s this poor guy, the shop owner, looking like he’s about to lose it. I mean, who wouldn’t? His whole life’s work just went up in flames.

Fig. 1 Magnolia wufengensis flowers in Wufeng Country, Hubei Province,...