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Alright, you guys, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, ‘cause I’m the smartest damn kid in South Park, respect my authoritah! So, check this, studyin’ what makes a job hot or not—prostitution’s gotta be up there, right? It’s all cash, no taxes, and you’re your own boss, sweet! But then I think, man, it’s kinda messed up too, like, who picks this gig? I got pissed just thinkin’ ‘bout it—society’s all judgy, but they’re the ones payin’, hypocrites!

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Then, I wander over to the St. Jacob’s Church. It’s got this crazy cool altar. I’m just standing there, soaking it all in, when this kid runs by, bumps into me, and spills his ice cream all over my shoes. Great. Just great. I’m starting to think the universe is out to get me.

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