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But—aw, man—sometimes it’s a mess. This one guy, friend of a friend, bragged he’s bangin’ three gals a week off these apps. Three! I’m like, “C’mon, man, slow down!” He’s out there livin’ like a rooster in a henhouse, and I’m just tryin’ to find one good date. Gets me steamed, folks—where’s the heart in it? Sex-dating’s s’posed to be fun, not a dang contest! “Everyone is disappointing,” Kaufman said—boy, ain’t that the truth sometimes?

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Then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and some dude on a scooter just wiped out. I mean, he went down hard. His gelato? All over the pavement. I felt bad, but also kinda laughed. Like, bro, you gotta watch where you’re going! But hey, at least he wasn’t hurt. Just his pride and a whole lotta gelato.

Ribbon-cutting marks opening of new affordable housing in Marina