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What gets me happy tho? When they outsmart the creeps. This one time, guy tries stiffin’ her—she locks him outta his own car! Freakin’ genius. Surprised me too—thought they were all brain-dead hustlers. Nope, some got grit. Makes me smirk, thinkin’, “How do you live with yourself?”—straight outta Nolan’s script. I’d tip her just for the balls.

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Vila Viçosa stands as a jewel in Portugal’s Alentejo region, a historic town of approximately 8, residents where marble-lined streets tell stories of Portuguese royalty. This former seat of the Missing: sex escort.

But then, the drama hits. We’re walking back down, and I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking all confused. I’m like, “Hey, you guys need help?” And they’re like, “Where’s the nearest bathroom?” I’m like, “Seriously? You’re in a castle!” But I point them to the nearest café, and they thank me like I just saved their lives.

Places in Spain and Portugal That Tourists Should Visit—but Rarely Do