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Witty bit: half these sods fall asleep mid-massage. Snoring through the sexy bits—hilarious! Me? I stay awake, soakin’ it in. “I’m becoming much more than they programmed,” says Samantha—same with this, mate. More than a rub, it’s a trip. So, grab a glass, try it yerself—I’d wager you’ll limp out grinning. I drink, I know things, and I bloody love erotic-massage. Cheers!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Jūrmala Street. Best coffee in town, no cap. I ordered my usual – a double shot of espresso. I needed that jolt, ya know? But then, the barista, this dude named Andris, spills half of it on me! Like, bro, what’s your deal? I was soaked in coffee. I mean, I love caffeine, but not like this!

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