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Ain’t no rules, tho—oil, no oil, clothes off, whatever! Fun fact: in Japan, they got “nurugel” massages—slimey, slippery, fuckin’ bonkers! Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe, but I’d bathe in that shit! Personal quirk—I’m gigglin’ like a maniac thinkin’ ‘bout it, ‘cause who don’t want that absurdity? Sexual-massage is art, bro—messy, loud, unhinged! You ever tried it? Bet you’d scream, “What is this sorcery?!” like me.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already late for my research gig. I live near the center, on Shevchenka Street. It’s a chill spot, but the roosters outside? They don’t care about my sleep. Anyway, I grab a quick coffee from that little café on the corner. You know the one? The one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. The barista, Oksana, she’s a legend. She knows my order by heart. I’m like, “Just give me the usual, Oksana!” And she’s like, “You mean the ‘I’m-gonna-be-late’ special?” LOL.

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