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I ain’t judgin’, tho—live how you live! It’s just them hands, that oil, slidin’ ‘round, makin’ you forget your name. Kinda like when Kolya in the movie’s drownin’ in vodka—numb but alive! I’d prolly try it, but I’d sass the masseuse—“Don’t you skimp on that oil, boo!” Halleluyer! It’s freaky, it’s fun, it’s a lil’ sinful—perfect for a Southern gal like me who’s seen it all! Now, who’s got the guts to book it? Tell Madea how it goes!

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. Great. Just what I needed. We all pile out onto the street, and I’m standing there, fuming, while the fire brigade shows up. Turns out, it was a false alarm. I’m like, “Can I get a break, please?”

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