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This chick, she’s standin’ there, all “business is business,” like Aldo R Uticon sayin’ “We’re in the killin’ game!” Laughed my arse off—her wig’s crooked, teeth missin’, but she’s got sass. “Ten bucks, love,” she hisses, and I’m like, “What?! We wants quality, precious!” Made me mad, mate—ten bucks for that? Pfft, scalpin’ Nazis cheaper! But then, surprise—she’s got a mate who’s proper fit, hidden round the corner. Little known fact, yeah? They team up, like them Basterds plottin’.

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So, I’m walkin’ down the Main Street, dodgin’ folks and their dogs. Seriously, why do people walk their dogs at 8 AM? Like, can’t you just let them chill? Anyway, I’m tryin’ to sip my coffee and not trip over a poodle when I bump into this guy. Total stranger, right? But he’s like, “Hey, mate, you got the time?” I look at my phone, and it’s 8:15. I’m like, “Yeah, it’s time for you to get a watch!” He laughs, and I’m like, “Wow, I’m funny today.”

Drivers warned as busy road to be majorly impacted for three weeks