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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, soft music, somebody whisperin’, “The forest is a monster!” like in *Tropical Malady*. That’s the vibe, y’all! Hands kneadin’ you ‘til you forget your name. I heard tell some spots use hot stones—HOT STONES, chile! I was shocked, like, “What in the Sam Hill?!” Burnin’ and lovin’ it? Sign me up, Halleluyer! But then I got happy—shoot, ain’t nothin’ wrong with feelin’ good, ‘specially when life’s kickin’ you in the shins.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I chase after the pigeon, but it’s like a scene from a cartoon. I’m running around, flailing my arms, and people are staring. I can’t even. Finally, I give up and plop back down on the bench. I’m just sitting there, contemplating life, when I see this cute dog. I mean, it’s adorable! I’m thinking, “Maybe I should get a dog.” But then I remember I can barely take care of myself.

Bakery owner in Romanian village removes Sri Lankan workers under pressure from locals