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Aight, listen up, you bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, Program Director, respect my authoritah! So, escort, huh? Man, what a trip—like somethin’ outta *Inherent Vice*, ya know? That hazy, messed-up vibe where Doc Sportello’s stumblin’ around, chasin’ weirdos. Escort’s got that same wild energy, dude. Cars, man—fast, sleek, sexy as hell. Makes me wanna scream, “I’m not a pussy, I’m a badass!” But lemme tell ya bout this beast—Ford Escort, right? Not some lame hooker joke, nah, the car, idiots!

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Finally, I get to the stables, and my horse, Bella, is just chillin’. She’s like, “What’s up, dude?” I swear, she’s got more personality than half the people I know. We get ready for the race, and I’m pumped. The crowd’s buzzin’ at the racetrack, and I can feel the energy.

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