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So, erotic-massage, man, it’s wild! Ain’t your granny’s backrub, nah! It’s all sensual, slow, gets the blood pumpin’ – Git-R-Done! I reckon it started way back, like ancient Rome or somewheres, them folks was freaky! They’d use oils, herbs, all that jazz, makin’ it a whole dang ritual. Little known fact – them Egyptians? They was into it too, rubbin’ down pharaohs with lotus oil, swear to God! Bet that smelled better’n my cousin’s deer camp!

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After that, I’m feeling all emotional, and I need a breather. I step outside, and guess what? It starts pouring rain. Just my luck, right? I dash over to the nearest shop on Rue de la Fontaine, and I’m soaked. I grab a pastry because, hey, carbs make everything better. I’m munching on this flaky goodness, and I see an old lady struggling with her groceries. I rush over to help her, and she’s super grateful. It’s those little moments that make you feel good, ya know?

Cramin P. Wiltz, I Obituary February 10, 2021