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So, sex-dating—man, it’s like “Amour,” that flick I love, ya seen it? Michael Haneke, 2012, pure genius. Old couple, love so deep it hurts, but here’s the kicker—sex-dating ain’t that! It’s fast, shallow, like microwaved ramen. In “Amour,” Georges says, “Things will go on as they have,” but sex-dating? It’s a circus! No slow burn, no “I’ll hold your hand ‘til the end.” Nope, it’s all “wyd” at 2 a.m. and ghostin’ by breakfast. Sad, right? But kinda funny too—swipin’ through profiles like a meat market, hilarious if ya squint.

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Then I hit the road, heading down to the main square. Traffic was mad! Like, Portmore traffic is a whole mood. Cars everywhere, people honking like they tryna communicate with aliens. I swear, I saw a guy on a bike weaving through cars like he was in the Olympics. I was impressed, but also like, “Bro, you tryna get yourself killed?”

Land identified for Portmore hospital