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Oh, and don’t get me started on them shady parlors—had a friend, swear she went in for a “massage” and came out with a story wilder than a Tyler Perry plot twist! Said the lady was hummin’ some chant, rubbin’ her down with coconut oil like she was preppin’ a Thanksgiving turkey. I hollered, “Girl, you ain’t in *Timbuktu* fightin’ no rebels, you just got bamboozled!” Made me laugh so hard I near bout peed myself.

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Finally, we decided to chill by the river. The sunset was insane! Like, the sky was on fire. I pulled out my phone to snap a pic, but my battery died. Classic! I was like, “Really, phone? You couldn’t hold on for five more minutes?”