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Aye! Respect my authoritah! I’m Eric Cartman, bitches, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout escorts today! Ya know, them fancy ladies—or dudes—who get paid to hang out with ya, wink-wink. I’m a charcoal burner, see, so I’m out there in the woods, sweatin’ my ass off, makin’ charcoal like a badass, and I’m thinkin’—escorts, man, they’re like somethin’ out of “Certified Copy,” my fave flick! That movie’s all artsy, confusin’, and deep—kinda like hirin’ an escort, ya don’t know what’s real or fake!
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Now lemme share a secret: on quiet nights, drive down Alléen. The streetlights shimmer, the air's cool, and my mind just drifts. I used to spin round and round, thinking “life’s a mystery, so how’s that workin’ for ya?” And sometimes, I catch myself ignorin’ my worries, lost in thought, feelin' free as a bird. And trust me, I’ve been known to exaggerate just how magical this all is – but heck, ain't that what makes it real?
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