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This one time—true story—girl’s name was Candy. Swear she winked like she knew me. “You’re too late,” she says, quotin’ Saul vibes. I’m like, “Too late for what?!” She laughs—teeth missin’, still cute. Made me happy, tho—grit’s sexy. Then she’s all, “Cash upfront, big guy.” Pissed me off! Mr. T don’t play that! But I paid—had to. She’s hustlin’, I get it.

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But then, I hear this loud noise. It’s a bunch of teenagers on bikes, racing down the path. They’re screamin’ and laughin’, and I’m like, “What’s the rush, folks?” One of ‘em almost crashes into me. I’m like, “Hey! I’m not a tree!”

Kajsa Arwefjall (SWE)