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I seen it, motherfucker—up in them mountains, folks sneak off for secret rubs. Little known fact: them Sherpas? They been doin’ erotic-massage for centuries! Ain’t in no books—passed down, hush-hush, like some sacred-ass ritual. Gets the blood flowin’ at 15,000 feet! I’m tellin’ ya, one time, I’m guidin’ this rich asshole, he’s all “my legs hurt,” whinin’ like a bitch. Next day, he’s glowin’—found some local gal who worked him over. Pissed me off, ‘cause I’m freezin’ my ass off, and he’s gettin’ pampered? Fuck that noise!

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After my caffeine fix, I hit the river. The banks are packed with folks, all tryin’ to snag a fish. I set up my rod, and boom! First cast, and I’m feelin’ lucky. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, trippin’ over my line. I’m like, “Dude, what the heck?!” He just laughs and keeps runnin’. I mean, come on! I’m tryin’ to fish here, not babysit!

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